Thursday, November 18, 2010

An Hour a Day

After tomorrow, I am planning to write the cards for an hour every day until I'm done. Why 1 hour? For I don't think I will achieve my goal to feel this number of victims if I do it in any durations that is less than an hour. Can I really do it? Am I willing to put aside 1 hour every day from my busy schedule to write the cards?

Honestly, I am afraid to make this commitment. But this is also exactly why I have to do this.
I want to see how long I can do this. I want to see how much I care about what's going on over there. So, there is a possibility that I am not going to finish the writing. And if that is the case, does it mean that I fail? Should I be afraid of failure? Tony has a quote on his email signature from Beckett that says:

"…admit that to be an artist is to fail, as no other dare fail, that failure is his world and the shrink from it desertion….I know that all that is required now, in order to make of this submission, this admission, this fidelity to failure, a new occasion, a new term of relation, and of the act which unable to act, obliged to act, he makes, an expressive act, even if only of itself, its impossibility, of its obligation."

I did not understand what it meant until I decide to do this project.

After I talked about my struggle regarding if I should do this project or not in my Performance Projects class, my colleague Anthony Montuori wrote the following on the class blog:

"I think its ok to admit that a work cannot be carried out. Or that a work is not worth the effort. Or that it isn't going to be effective beyond its conceptual origins. Or that there aren't enough hours in the day to ever finish larger projects. Or that an idea needs to be shifted even after we feel we've reached a point of no return. Or that we might waste money. Or that our audience is def or no where to be found. Or that some battles are not ours to fight. Or whatever.

Be honest and enjoy the art you make even if it hurts to make it. Don't do anything unless you absolutely believe you must. "

Thank you Anthony!